T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
