insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can't turn off my feet"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
