So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize