i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
