You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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