no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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