my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
