I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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