We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
