I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
