my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
