I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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