it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
