I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
