I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
