I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sorry about my life...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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