Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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