I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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