I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
