my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
