The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
