Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
