You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
