You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
