Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
