I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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