Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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