can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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