I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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