When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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