Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
