That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
