I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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