It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
