Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
