at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
