You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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