I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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