I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
