let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
