please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
