we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I am available for nakedness
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
