I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
