you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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