it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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