Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
