just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Blow job season was short but glorious.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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