I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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