i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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