I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
